Shit Real Estate Agents Say Archives

Shit Real Estate Agents Say To Get You To Hire Them #8: I am the Only Good Real Estate Agent Out There

(Another Sweary Real Estate Post by Allison Parks)

Note: This is the eighth post in a series.

You should hire me, because all real estate agents are terrible, except me. Only I am good.

Here’s the thing… yes… a lot of realtors are sucky. However, there are agents out there who are fantastic, knowledgable, dedicated, and compassionate. As much as it kills me to say this, some of these badass agents are not named Allison Parks and are not employed with Conscious Real Estate. That is the real truth. Anyone who tells you otherwise might be a “stable genius,” similar to Donald Trump who is also incompetent, lies consistently, does not take care of the people who hired him, and (not coincidentally) has made a shitload of money in real estate.

One of the owners of a local brokerage much larger and far more successful than mine spoke to a women’s group a couple of years ago and I had the misfortune of being in that audience. This brokerage owner sat in front of 100-plus women and said that, essentially, only brokers at her brokerage give a shit about their clients and that’s what they are doing differently. That’s what sets them apart. Only they provide top-notch service. Any other agent who does not work with her brokerage is shit-poop.

Bullshit.

I squirmed in my seat as I thought to myself, “There is a special kind of hell for someone who would stand in front of a room of female entrepreneurs and lie through their teeth like this. This is NOT an honest way to build business and she has no business guiding entrepreneurs who are trying diligently to cut their teeth in business, especially other women who actually need good and real advice to compete in a man’s world.”

(Side note: I have closed at least two properties with agents who are employed at this woman’s brokerage. One was a total bad ass… she was personable, professional, and knowledgeable, and I have nothing but good things to say about her. The other was a shit show and her clients paid the price, literally and figuratively, for her lack of knowledge and/or caring.)

Truth: If a real estate agent who wants your business is telling you that only they are qualified, they are already lying to you. Why would they lie? Do they have a proclivity to being dishonest or are they simply lacking valid reasons as to why you should work with them? In either case, I think you can do better and you should continue your search for a Fantastic Agent.

Want a Fantastic Agent instead of a Problem Agent? Give us a call at 303-908-9873.

For more on Shit Real Estate Agents Say to Get You to Hire Them, read the series.

Shit Real Estate Agents Say

Shit Real Estate Agents Say To Get You To Hire Them #7: I Have Been Doing This Forever, Which Shows What an Expert I Am

(Another Sweary Real Estate Post by Allison Parks)

Note: This is the seventh post in a series.

You should work with me because I have been in the business for a super freaking impressive amount of years.

Oh, bullshit.

Here’s the thing… listen to their tone when they say this. Listen closely for any level of smugness. Typically, any level of smugness means that they’ve probably learned less than the next agent in those years.

If I ever quit real estate and need a real estate agent to represent me, knowing what I know, years in the business would not be a determining factor for me whatsoever. Just like there are plenty of bad drivers on the road who have been driving for decades, plenty of agents have been doing real estate incorrectly for 20+ years.

In the state of Colorado, an agent only has to be closely supervised for their first two years of their licensure. If they were not trained by an attentive and knowledgeable supervising broker, then those first two years were not very valuable. In fact, many supervising brokers are also Problem Agents. They don’t give their trainees much attention, but still take a portion of their commission. I have heard many horror stories about neglectful supervising brokers at both well-known national brokerages, in addition to smaller local brokerages.

Truth: Some agents may have been in the business for 20+ years and will be incredibly talented and client-centered Fantastic Agents, but there are many Problem Agents with decades of experience who are less knowledgable than a new agent who just started a year ago.

How do you tell the difference? Someone who has worked in real estate for that long will communicate well. They will be able to answer your questions in ways that you understand. They will likely anticipate your concerns before you have even expressed them. They won’t be fast-talkers, rather they will be humble… and they will have so much knowledge about real estate that it will make your head spin.

Want a Fantastic Agent instead of a Problem Agent? Give us a call at 303-908-9873.

For more on Shit Real Estate Agents Say to Get You to Hire Them, read the series.

Shit Real Estate Agents Say

Shit Real Estate Agents Say To Get You To Hire Them #6: I Have a Fancy Certification that Makes Me Uber-Ethical

(Another Sweary Real Estate Post by Allison Parks)

Note: This is the sixth post in a series.

Have you ever heard this?

You should work with me because I am a REALTOR®.

When agents provide this as a reason, they will likely explain that they are special because they have committed themselves to adhere to a code of ethics prescribed the National Association of REALTORS®.

Sigh… bullshit.

Yes, ethics are awesome. Of course, real estate agents should utilize the highest level of ethics at all times and not be self-serving assholes.

Here’s the thing… the fact that someone has sworn to adhere to a code of ethics does not necessarily mean that they will exhibit ethical behavior.

If a person is generally unethical, they will most likely continue to act unethically whether they have been sworn in to the REALTOR® code of ethics or not. Similarly, if a person is ethical, they will simply continue to act ethically whether they choose to belong to the National Association of REALTORS® or not. Seriously, this is just high school level philosophy…

Being a REALTOR® simply means that an agent belongs to a professional real estate board – the National Association of REALTORS® and likely a local real estate board. Agents must pay several hundred dollars per year to attain this status and must take the aforementioned required ethics class every 4 years, after which everyone stands and swears to remain ethical. Being a REALTOR® is not dependent on merit and no one is actually governing the agents to ensure their ethical behavior. An agent’s REALTOR® membership could be revoked for unethical behavior if they were found to be guilty of said behavior, but that would require getting caught and getting turned in.

Truth: At the end of the day, approximately 50% of all agents are REALTORS®, so it’s not something that truly sets a Fantastic Agent apart from a Problem Agent. I have been a REALTOR® for over five years and I don’t feel as though my membership has strengthened my real estate prowess.

I was ethical before I joined and if I ever cease my membership (or if they kick me out for talking smack in this blog post,) I will continue to be ethical because I’m not a self-serving asshole.

Want a Fantastic Agent instead of a Problem Agent? Give us a call at 303-908-9873.

For more on Shit Real Estate Agents Say to Get You to Hire Them, read our next post, I Have Been Doing This Forever, Which Shows What an Expert I Am.

Shit Real Estate Agents Say

Shit Real Estate Agents Say To Get You To Hire Them #5: I am an Expert on a Neighborhood

The Conscious Group - Sh*t Agents Say - Post 5

(Another Sweary Real Estate Post by Allison Parks)

Note: This is the fifth post in a series.

Here is one of them:

You should work with me, because I am a neighborhood expert. (Or school expert or foreclosure expert and so forth…)

BULLSHIT. 90% of the time, “expert” is just a marketing gimmick.

In the case of “neighborhood experts,” agents often choose the neighborhood in which they reside to be an “expert,” meaning that they are an expert because they live nearby. An agent who has branded onself as a “neighborhood expert” are using “hyperlocal marketing,” as it is highly recommended practice for real estate agents to market themselves heavily in a very small area.

What does “neighborhood expert” even mean? Do these people not know how to sell homes in other neighborhoods?

Here’s the thing… there could be an instance where an agent has legitimately only sold homes in Cheesman Park for the past five years… they haven’t even sold a property in Congress Park on the other side of York Street, so they are a neighborhood expert, right? Not necessarily. If this agent has only sold Cheesman Park mansions for five years, they may not be familiar with the condos in Cheesman Park or they may not know how to accurately price an investment property in Cheesman Park. As such, even an agent who genuinely only sells properties in one neighborhood may still not be familiar with the type of property that you own or desire. As such, the term “neighborhood expert” is most often just shit real estate agents say to get your business.

Also in this realm of bullshit marketing are “experts” in vintage homes or “experts” in modern homes and such. These people may be Fantastic Agents, but it’s more likely that they are great at marketing themselves. One such agent who is a “Victorian Home Expert” called me for feedback from my clients about our showing we had. (Note: listing agents only call buyer’s agents for showing feedback if they cannot sell the home because they priced it too high and they are desperate.) I informed her that my clients weren’t interested because the floors were far more wonky than in most homes of that era, indicating potential structural issues. On top of that, the only bathroom in the home was not on the same floor as the bedrooms and was only accessible through the kitchen. DO YOU REALLY WANT TO PARADE THROUGH YOUR KITCHEN EVERY SINGLE TIME YOU TAKE A SHOWER?

She smugly responded that many Victorian homes have their quirks. (Thanks, honey. My Victorian home was built in 1899 and is put together like the car in Johnny Cash’s “One Piece At A Time” and it’s still better than this house you’re trying to sell, so you better lower your damn price and quit yer caterwauling.) Essentially, this “Victorian Expert” didn’t know enough about pricing a home to sell this one for asking price, but she is great at marketing herself and makes a shitload of money.

Truth: If an agent knows how to do their research, price properties effectively, assess the trends, negotiate well, and listen carefully to their clients, they can be a Fantastic Agent in any neighborhood with any type of home. An agent choosing to brand oneself as an “Expert” is just marketing.

Want a Fantastic Agent instead of a Problem Agent? Give us a call at 303-908-9873.

For more on Shit Real Estate Agents Say to Get You to Hire Them, read our next post, I Have a Fancy Certification that Makes Me Uber-Ethical.

Shit Real Estate Agents Say

Shit Real Estate Agents Say To Get You To Hire Them #4: You should work with me because I can sell your home for a super freaking impressive amount more than any other real estate agent.

The Conscious Group - Sh*t Agents Say - Post 3

(Another Sweary Real Estate Post by Allison Parks)

Note: This is the fourth post in a series.

If you are interviewing multiple agents to list your home, you may find yourself in a situation where several agents say that your home should sell around, for instance, $460,000. Another agent comes in and says they can sell it for $510,000 because they are incredibly talented and special. Beware, my friend. This is a tactic that many agents use to capture listings. They say that they are the best agent. They have special unicorn powers. All they have to do is click their heels, use your bathroom on a Wednesday without washing their hands afterwards, and like magic, your home is worth $50,000 more. I’m sorry, but often these agents are lying… but of course, all of us want our homes to be worth $50,000 more, so we hire the agent who says they can get us those 50 bonus racks.

Guess what actually happens?

Many moons later, your home sells for $460,000, like all of the honest agents told you it would. In fact, since your home sat on the market so long, your listing became “stigmatized” in the eyes of many buyers. As such, your home might only sell for $450,000-455,000, when it should have sold for $460,000. The agent with special unicorn powers purposefully quoted you a higher price than could actually attain for you, because they wanted your business. They aren’t smart enough to get your business in an honest fashion, so they have to use slimy tricks.

Truth: As a result of falling for this tactic, you have made less money, your home was on the market for much longer than it should have been, and you have to live with the fact that you paid a lot of money to an Uncool Agent, instead of an Honest Agent.

Want a Fantastic Agent instead of a Problem Agent? Give us a call at 303-908-9873.

For more on Shit Real Estate Agents Say to Get You to Hire Them, read our next post, I am an expert on [insert neighborhood here].

Real Estate Agents, Shit Real Estate Agents Say

Shit Real Estate Agents Say To Get You To Hire Them #3: I Work at a Very Impressive Brokerage

(Another Sweary Real Estate Post by Allison Parks)

Note: This is the third post in a series.

You should hire me because I work at ___________ brokerage.

When I first started out in real estate, I went on a date with one of the top-selling real estate agents in Denver, because he was kind of cute and I wanted to see if I could glean any useful real estate information from him. He was more than happy to talk about himself and his successes at length…

At the time, he worked for Coldwell Banker. He told me that when potential clients interview him, he sells himself by touting that he is employed with Coldwell Banker, because they are a successful nationwide company that has been around for 100 years.

Bullshit.

Here’s the thing… Yes, Coldwell Banker is a successful nationwide company that has been around for 100 years… but this has nothing to do with the quality of his work or his competence as an agent. He’s just blowing hot air, because he’s a Slimy Salesperson. Coldwell Banker, like any major franchise real estate company, has some amazing franchises and some terrible franchises. They will have some amazing agents and some terrible agents. Same goes for Keller Williams. Same goes for Re/MAX. Same goes for Sotheby’s. You get the point…

Fantastic Agents work at a shitty brokerages, Problem Agents at fantastic brokerages, and a bunch of average agents breathe the recycled air at a variety of brokerages.

When agents sign on with a brokerage, the brokerage takes a (typically significant) portion of their earnings for training, office space, and so forth and the brokerage turns a profit from these agents. More agents at a brokerage generally means more money for the brokerage. As such, many brokerages will hire just about anyone, because they want the cut of their money. That’s how brokerage owners get rich. That’s how they expand statewide or nationwide. That’s how they exist for 100 years.

Truth: Coldwell Banker is not a real reason to work with someone. Knowledge, competence, skill, and giving a shit are all real reasons. (I’m not dissing on Coldwell Banker, but I am dissing on agents who can’t give their potential clients a real reason that they should choose to work with them.)

Want a Fantastic Agent instead of a Problem Agent? Give us a call at 303-908-9873.

For more on Shit Real Estate Agents Say to Get You to Hire Them, read the next post about super freaking impressive amounts of money for your home.

Real Estate Agents, Shit Real Estate Agents Say

Shit Real Estate Agents Say To Get You To Hire Them #2: I Sold Soooo Many Homes Last Year; I Must Be Good

The Conscious Group - Sh*t Agents Say - Post 2

(Another Sweary Real Estate Post by Allison Parks)

Note: This is the second post in a series.

You should work with me because I sold 100 homes last year. I am a Top Producer.

Masel tov. Your family must be proud… oh yeah, I forgot to say bullshit.

Here’s the thing… if an agent is promoting oneself by bragging about how many homes they have sold in a given year, it is difficult not to be impressed. They probably earned the cost of your home in that year. But consider this… once agents start selling an incredibly high number of homes in a given year, chances are, it has become impossible for them to be client-centered or detail-oriented. Making money is their priority. Helping YOU is not their priority. Negotiating for YOU will not be at the top of their list, so you might lose money. Responding to YOU will not be at the top of their list, so you have to wait around to get answers. See what I’m getting at? Your real estate agent needs to be focused on you – not on buying 17 more Jet Skis.

Truth: Selling a lot of homes doesn’t mean that an agent is knowledgeable, competent, talented, or that they give a shit. It means that they are good at marketing themselves and attaining clients.

Top Producers will likely say that they have it all covered because they have a “team.” I’m not saying teams don’t work… I’m just saying that I have never seen one that works effectively. Literally, any time that I have had to deal with a team of agents, whoever you need to speak with is always the one who is not available. Someone may be available to take your call, but when you have pertinent and time-sensitive questions about a real estate transaction, that’s not helpful unless they have both useful information and decision-making capacity.

Truth: Selling a lot of homes doesn’t mean that an agent is knowledgeable, competent, talented, or that they give a shit. It means that they are good at marketing themselves and attaining clients. In this industry, you don’t have to be good at your job to be “successful.”

Want a Fantastic Agent instead of a Problem Agent? Give us a call at 303-908-9873.

For more on Shit Real Estate Agents Say to Get You to Hire Them, read the next post, which is one of the biggest Lies your Real Estate Agent is telling you!

Real Estate Agents, Shit Real Estate Agents Say

Shit Real Estate Agents Say To Get You To Hire Them

(A Sweary Real Estate Post by Allison Parks)

Note: This is the first post in a series.

Getting ready to buy or sell a home? Need a real estate agent? Do you have a nagging feeling that some of these agents you are interviewing are full of shit? They probably are. A lot of real estate agents suck, which is a problem, because buying or selling a home is a huge transaction with serious financial consequences.

If you wind up with a crappy real estate agent as a home-seller, you may not get top dollar for your home. As a home-buyer, you may not get the repairs that your new home requires, because your agent doesn’t know how to negotiate well. Problem Agents can cost you time, money, and stress, which could have been avoided. As an agent who has seen my fair share of Problem Agents, this is my No-Holds-Barred Guide to identify the weeds.

First, let’s discuss why many real estate agents suck…

Some real estate agents suck because they are only capable of caring about their own interests without the ability to simultaneously care about their clients.

That’s pretty sucky. Real estate is supposed to be a service industry. It is OK to make a shitload of money, so long as you are providing great service to your clients, but this truth bomb that would seemingly be common sense hasn’t quite made it into the the hearts and minds of many real estate agents.

Other real estate agents suck because, honestly, it’s pretty easy to get a real estate license. You don’t have to be particularly smart to get a real estate license and you can still make money at real estate even if you don’t know much about it. Many real estate agents are terrible at doing their job, but are fantastic at getting clients, so they are still financially successful.

In the state of Colorado, getting a real estate license requires 120 hours of school and passing a test that you can take an unlimited amount of tries, with a passing grade of 80% on the national portion and only 75% on the state portion. It’s really not that tough to get the license. I assure you, when I passed the real estate exam with scores well into the 90s on my first try, I STILL DIDN’T KNOW JACK SHIT ABOUT HOW TO DO REAL ESTATE. Not to mention, once you have your real estate license, you only must acquire 24 hours of continuing education every three years to keep your license active in the state of Colorado. That’s not much, so unless someone really takes the initiative to learn how to do real estate, which is an endeavor that requires a lot more time, money, and active brain cells, you might have a real estate agent who doesn’t know much about, well, real estate.

With all of this being said, how is the average consumer to discern which real estate agents are Fantastic Agents and which ones are Slimy Salespeople? Slimy Salespeople give passionate and savvy sales pitches to land their clients. They tend to all say the same shit, because they memorized scripts that they were given early in the business. Because their humanity died a long time ago, they don’t actually have anything of value to say. I have heard the same thing from people burned by Slimy Salespeople time and time again. “They worked so hard to get my business, but once they had my business, it felt like they didn’t care any more.” This is the trademark of the Problem Agent.

In the famous words of the Wu Tang Clan, protect ya neck.

Don’t let fancy sales pitches sway you, no matter how convincing they may be. If you have a gut feeling, follow it.

When a real estate agent seems like they might be an asshole, they probably are. This industry has more assholes than a hot dog factory…

You may have gathered that I have no love lost for a lot of the “professionals” in my industry. That part is true. You may think that I’m jaded or even an angry person. That part isn’t true. Fact is, I lost a wrestling match with my marketing team and they are making me create content using my “authentic personality.” Turns out, my authentic personality is very sweary.

Through the years, I have grown weary of seeing home-buyers and sellers get taken advantage of by Problem Agents whose lack of integrity and skill negatively affect the outcomes of their clients. It is incredibly frustrating to work in an industry that isn’t well-respected because so many agents have exhibited behaviors that reflect poorly on the rest of us. I would like to see the business go to Fantastic Agents who give a shit.

Want a Fantastic Agent instead of a Problem Agent? Give us a call at 303-908-9873.

For more on Shit Real Estate Agents Say to Get You to Hire Them, read our next post, I Sold Soooo Many Homes Last Year; I Must Be Good.